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Hello 2023! Here we are in the new year, and I just can’t resist looking back to the most unpredictable yet wholesome year of my life! Here’s a recap-
January– Hopeful for the year, but tired of myself and my poor skills. So I took up a copywriting job at an agency, realizing freelancing isn’t for me. That job was about puking thousands of words each day.
One afternoon I dozed off, had a dream, and the stories of my first ever book THE TURNING page flashed in the dream. Half convinced I could write a book.
February– Convincing myself to write a book felt like a huge feat achieved. Decided to take the last month of my 6 month stay in Goa as an entire break. No touching laptop at all. Moved to Siolim, wrapped up the existing projects and roamed all day from Siolim to Mandrem to Arambol and in between.
March– I hit 29 in the first week of march. The realization hit me hard, so I booked a bus straight home to started working in full vigor. Goa was becoming too much fun, no chance I could work there. Rest of the month went in settling and tending to my withdrawal symptoms, coming back home after 6 months in Goa, realizing I have changed so much, but nothing has changed at all at home.
April– Writing, planning story outlines. Shortlisted 12 out of the 27 topics, my mad dream had hit me with. That was fun. Meanwhile my grandma came to see exactly what are the reasons her grand daughter hasn’t yet got married. I am sure she was shocked- but let’s not get into that.
May– May 1st- as usual, I left all of a sudden. I am used to that, even though now my mum has become used to me travellling. But this time was weird. I am trained to listen to curses and yells while leaving until the very last moment. This time everyone started crying. Probably becoz of my grandma. She started, my mother followed, then sister. That was a shocker for me. I didn’t know how to react. I begged the auto driver to hurry up fast and drive off. The driver asked me is this the first time I am leaving home. LOL.
May to 20th June– Had fun in Mcleodganj in Himachal Pradesh. But it was too crowded for me to settle in. Went for a day to Dharamkot and loved it. Wished I got a place to stay here, and next minute I found it. By evening I had decided where I was going to write my first book. There’s some unexplained vibe in Dharamkot. I felt that in 45 days of my stay there. I was possessed. I was writing all day which was a miracle given that I had never written a single story before, and the fact that my concentration and focus suck.
There was no internet. My homestay people were gems. I was meeting wonderful new people every evening. Attending different shows in different hostels. Everything was epic. Since my book is all true stories, a lot of unhealed wounds were opened. Some got healed through the writing process, some gave me mind games.
One day, my homestay grandma told me a lot of weird incidents and deaths and disappearances that happened in Dharamkot. I was already touchy because of my writings. Since then I started feeling the presence of some (troubled only probably) souls in my room. It started driving me crazy.
Eventually, everything boiled up and one night I had a terrible anxiety attack. I was roaming all night in the homestay garden, checking my BPM on my watch shooting every now and then, unable to breathe, heart pounding as though fighting to come out of my body.
Didn’t realize when it was 7 in the morning. The girl staying in the next room, took me to the city hospital. I was convinced, since for the first time in my life I was doing what I loved all day, there was no chance anxiety and all those things can happen to me. I was convinced, my heart was giving up. Sounds funny now. I was 98% convinced I was gonna die that day with all the overwork my heart was doing.
The doctor said it was anxiety and nothing else ( by that I mean no heart attack) This had to be bullshit. Over that week, I did all my tests done, visited all the doctors (there were only three in the district not even one where I was staying) asking what nonsense is this.
I had another episode, early in the morning later that week, and I walked down to Bhagsu Naag in search of a doctor. After three hospital signed building found one ayurvedic. The way he told me what exactly was happening and taking my personality into consideration, his solution convinced me well. I came back and across a man playing parody kind of songs on the street. The next 6 hours we were singing songs, drinking beer in happiness of just have found a tribe on the street to sing songs.. I forgot all about the week.
Didn’t have another noteworthy episode after that.
Added two more stories to the original 14. The book work was now done. It was time for a well deserved break.
June End and July– Travelled to Spiti. That was one hell of a journey. Will talk about it in some other post. This was an entirely unknown terrain, and I was finally convinced I am capable of travelling solo and have fun. Met a few people, one of my fav- is Kazpian, where some 3-4 of us were gathering all day and talking. I am more of a listener, so I would listen to these stories. Covered most of the Spiti here, but realized I cant stay here for a month as I do each time. The desert dust was driving me crazy. Told mother I was coming back home as the unfinished book was eating up my brain and not letting my have fun anymore.
One afternoon, I just left without the occasional goodbyes. Since I was going to take the Shimla route, Tabo was going to be in way. Decided to stay for a day. I realized there was no dust and there was ample greenery. Asked around found a place to stay. Called up mum, told her I ain’t coming home.
July- Got a few tight deadlined projects so the book took a backseat. Finished those, the remainder of my Spiti travel plans were ruined so, it was time to head back home.
This time it was weird. Mum was asking why I am coming home so early. This was weird. I didn’t know if I should feel offended or think that now my family is somewhat prepared to accept my lifestyle.
August, September, October– Homebound. Possessed again. I have always had issues working for long hours. I don’t understand how people work for 12 hours for years and years. But that was happening with me too. Couldn’t think of anything else, other than refining, editing , formatting my book and understanding the publishing process. Added two more stories, now adding up to 16.
November– Decided to prepone the book’s release in January to November 21st. So all the lazy deadlines suddenly became tight. It suddenly hit me that the book’s success depends on its readers. Never felt doubtful during the entire process. But now that everything was done, started having doubts, fears, negativity (and not just from me), shove it off thoughts. Found a publisher, had rows.
The Book released on 21st. And I was overwhelmed by the response the online release was getting. Thrilled.
December– Good days, down days- that play continued. Printed a second edition of my book with a few edits. Fell ill, or was it the mental fatigue of the entire year, I don’t know. Recovered just in time to reach Goa. Had great time at my friend’s house there, and a blasting end of the year.
